Half Life of Love

This is my first attempt at writing anything remotely serious, unless you count the crap I pull out of my ass for the clients, especially the tight ass BFSI ones. This is not a definitive guide to why relationships don’t work out. This is not even a guide to who fucks up in a relationship. Wait, this is not a guide at all. This is just what I think happens in relationships.

If you are the one who believes in love at first sight, you are on the wrong page. If you are the one who believes in Prince Charmings and Dream Girls and happily ever after, you are on the wrong planet. Find Scotty.

Basically two people meet and like each other. They continue meeting and liking each other till one of them gets bored of running in circles and says three magic words that joins them at the hip or breaks one’s heart. For some time at least. Then in most cases something or the other goes wrong.

Before I proceed, screw political correctness and generalization and stuff. I am not going to bother writing him/her and crap. Since it is perennially male bashing time on the internet and we are the root of all thing wrong in the world right from irregular periods to poor quality of clothes at Zara I will base this post around men. But what I mean is humans in general.

One scenario is when people fall in love at a young age and they are madly in love. It continues for many years and then over time for one of them the other one is just not good enough. Where does this question come from? Social evolution. When you fell in love with her and she loved you back you were practically no one except, maybe, in your mom’s eyes. Your dad still thought you were useless. For your friends you were just one of them idiots. But she still loved you and you loved to flaunt her to you friends who loved her too and she was one of them. One big happy fucking family. Then you graduated and started working. She still loved you. You started becoming successful and drifting away from old friends. She still loved you. You made new friends who have nothing in common with your old friends. She still loved you. You became somebody and she still loves you. You still love her but suddenly you are not too sure of flaunting her in front of your new friends. You are not proud of her. She is not like them. You start wondering if these whiskey and wine sipping, fine dining, air kissing people are going to approve of her. Suddenly she becomes something from past that you wish you could get rid of because you are not the same person any more. She becomes a reminder of the days when you were nobody. You want to replace her with somebody who can slip right in to the midst of your swanky new friends, crinkling her nose at the house wine and appreciating the tasteful decor of the fancy restaurant and drawing glances of approval from your new ‘friends’. Validation. This person moves on very quickly and doesn’t miss his old girlfriend one bit. Then he keeps moving on from girlfriend to girlfriend as love becomes as disposable as his income.

Another scenario is when a couple are madly in love and their passion is off the charts. Making out is terrific, sex is superb, everything is in place. Then at some point one of them starts looking for attention from others. But why? Lust. Sexual monogamy is the brilliant concept just like God and tasty healthy food. But just not practical. If on the day of wedding we were 100% certain that this is the person we will be having sex with, (for not just this life but seven more if you are hindu), I doubt any of us would get married. We get married because fuck reincarnation we are all going to hell any way. Humans aren’t wired to be sexually monogamous. Hell we can’t even stay loyal to one fucking hand. Show me one married person who hasn’t seen an attractive person and wished to see them naked, to say the least, and I will show you Santa and Satan in an orgy involving Easter Bunny. I mean how stupid are you? People do not stay loyal to their partners because that’s human nature. We have been programmed to believe in the institution of marriage.

Look at our bodies for instance. Procreation is a very important part of our existence. But it is not easy. Unlike Bollywood movies where a one night stand or suhaagraat or even rape is a guarantee of pregnancy, in reality couples can spend months or years at it to achieve the same. Over time nature realized that it takes multiple attempts to fertilize as egg as the sperms are typical male and cannot follow directions. So in my opinion our bodies have evolved to reflect the same. Men can’t stop thinking about sex and women can have sex all night without running out of anything.

But sometimes it isn’t just lust. After few years in a relationship when suddenly an attractive stranger comes along and gives you the same attention and makes you feel the same way that your partner did years ago, it feels good. Let’s be honest, the best part of any relationship is the whole beginning to like each other, the undivided attention of each other, the getting to know each other and discovering each other’s body. If you had the chance to experience it once a year without any guilt would you turn it down?

People stay loyal to their partners because they love them enough to use their will power to make sure those thought remains just that, thoughts. It is so much easier to give in and have a fling. It is a lot more fun too I bet. If you think sex is same every time with everyone then I guess you need to go out and have it with more people. It is not. And it is the desire to experience these different feelings of sexual fulfillment that leads people astray. Now personally I am a one woman man. If I am with a woman nothing can tempt me to stray from her and I can only thank my will power for it. But I will not deny that I don’t think about women that I find attractive. I have seen lot of people fail this test and cheat. If some of them are lucky their partner will forgive them and take them back but if they think things will be back to normal, they are only deluding themselves. Even if they continue to be together till they die, it will still count as a failed relationship.

A fairly common scenario is where two people fall in love but there is this inherent mismatch of expectations. For example one of them from day believes that this is the one for them and the other fellow is just happy to be in love and taking things one day at a time. One of them hopes that the other will start changing certain things about his life to come on the same page. But that does not happen. The person waits and waits and waits for the changes but they never happen. It is a case two people trying to build one dream on a base that’s split in to two different levels. You don’t need to be a civil engineer to know that it will collapse. And it does. Tired of waiting for the other person to catch up, one person looks for someone who is on the same page and simply carries the blueprint of the dreams over. Other one is left scratching their head wondering what went wrong.

I could go on and on after all it is easy to come up with excuses right? Basically my point is that relationship can fail for many different reasons and I don’t have the time to sit here and list them all for you. There is no checklist to make your relationship fool proof because, well, no matter how much you would like to believe it the fate of your relationship is not totally in your hands. So stop fucking taking it for granted. Go right now and tell your man/woman how much you love them and pray to your God that they reply in affirmative. Else, Old Monk is just 600 bucks a bottle and totally worth it. Happy loving!

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