Are you a naturally born female?

Are you a naturally born female?

That questioned stared me in my face and I stared back at it, with the words WTF multiplying like crazy in my head, unable to comprehend the deeper meaning it withheld. I ran across this question in the application form for a leading beauty pageant. Of course I wasn’t applying for it idiot; it was a part of my job. Then I had the Big O moment, I mean the Big OH moment and the profound reasoning behind this question dawned upon me.

So, I will ask you women out there, Are you a naturally born female? The choices are:

a) Yes.

b) No.

c) Come and find out.

d) Go Fuck yourself.

I can predict a lot of As and Ds. Moving on, so we were making pitch for this contest so we had to come up with a themes and stuff and so on. A group of us bashed our head together for like 3 hours and yet could not agree upon a theme. So many ideas were floated like, “Be the One”, “You are more beautiful than you think, “You will not know unless you try”, “Don’t you think you are better”, “Be the Queen” and so on. Hold on while I barf and get back.

Yes yes I feel so proud of myself for coming up with some of the gems like that. Any way we decided to work on different parts of the whole package and then put it all together to come up with the theme. I got the best part. Listen to this, I got to spend the whole day, searching online for games that let you dress up women. No wait that’s not it. Then I got to spend hours dressing and undressing women till I found the most suitable games and then record a demo of them. Could life be any better? Eww! Wait, that was sarcasm you moron. I don’t enjoy such games much. I am sure there are men who derive pleasure from such umm activities but I am not one of them. Like they say it’s nothing like the real deal. Its like saying since I enjoy killing people in real life I will have fun playing GTA3. Ok that could be true but umm never mind.

So we put the whole presentation together. I got to add music to those dressing/undressing videos that I made. They let me choose my own music. Muhahahaha. I ended up using the following.

1) Cake : Short Skirt Long Jacket

2) Marilyn Manson : Beautiful People

3) Edwyn Collins : Girl Like You

4) Jet : Are you gonna be my girl

Very appropriate and very fitting (no pun intended). Ok even if intended what can you do about it huh? Any way so we put all our efforts together and sent it for approval but they weren’t happy with the themes so they came up with a fresh and original theme ‘You can be the one”. Hmm now why couldn’t we think of it? And where did I hear this before? Gah! Can’t remember, must be getting old.

Oh and the girl-who-sits-next-to-me has quit so she will from now on be know as the girl-who-used-to-sit-next-to-me. Lil Nat’s birthday was celebrated in office and I got to eat the cake from Merwan’s and the she bought us ice cream from Gokul’s. I got the mango flavor. Yum. And she didn’t rip the head of the Wabbit yet, it sits in her living room. People have living rooms? I have one room. It’s my drawing/ dining/ bed/ entertaining/ gaming/ reading/ thinking/ changing/ phoning/ you-know-what-else room. Since I spend so much of my life in there I guess I can call it a living room too.

17 thoughts on “Are you a naturally born female?

  • Anonymous

    I’m organic 🙂

    So, did you guys finally get the account? You sure do the research in great style.


  • Anush

    Well it all depends on how they define “natural”. I don’t see the point in the question. I can’t figure out what they wanted to know at the end. Whether I had a sex change? Am I a “natural woman” like Aretha Franklin? Was I by any chance born on Pluto with an alien mum?

  • Che

    @code mermaid:

    and so are many other men?
    err men are born men.
    i dont count bobby darling as one.


    haha well there is nothing more embarrassing than an adult male sitting in office playing such games while female colleagues stand behind him and giggle! I dont exactly enjoy that part 😛


    I would take organic to be option A.

    Ah well we made the pitch to the event management people and they liked it so we have to meet B and C people and then lets see. Besides there are other firms in race as usual.

    For a copywriter i do strange things!

    @Jingle Belle:

    Hehe I dont blame you for being so confused. But I take it that by “naturally born females” they meant to rule out anyone who has undergone a sex change operation. After all it would be quite embarrassing for them if Ms India turned out to be Mr India you see.

  • Che

    @santanu :

    Haha I knew that Thai reference would come in from somewhere! I have heard too many horror stories 😉

    Adam had no option!

  • mirrorcracked

    Hehe! Hilarious! 😀
    Pretty hard to find out if a person with whom I’m flirting online is a man or a woman! Reminds me of a south park episode called “Cartman Joins NAMBLA”..! Lol…
    Good blog, dude! Adding u!

  • Che


    Dude these days its hard to realise this in real life as well. I guess you havent heard horror stories from thailand 😉

    ROFL @ NAMBLA. haha. oh boy gotta love americans!

  • Che


    Ah well like I told anush they probably mean women who are born as women and not men who have been carved in to one.

    After all its for a beauty pageant.

  • satan' queen

    My vote of sympathy goes to you!!! The only thing more sad than women participating in beauty pageants is being the one behind the show! Mannnn! I feel asking such women, “what happened love, don’t you get any attention back home?”! Duh!

    But hey, it made for a nice read for sure! So, you continue filling up your life with more memorable clients thereby making my life more colorful! howzzat?

    O by the way…try not to talk about food or anything edible for that matter in future posts…i get this insatiable need to hog den and yet your writing makes it impossible for me to leave the comp. and scoot off to where part of my heart and the entire stomach wants to go!

  • Che

    @satan’ queen:

    Ah dear but then I am not that evil. I am not organising it but only promoting it, that too if the proposal is accepted.

    My others clients are financial companies and I am sure you dont want to hear about them!

    Aw I cant leave food out! I live to eat, contrary to what my body might project 🙂


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